I like to think of myself as a calm, well-rounded and socially-adapt person these days... but if you so much as mention class officers, football games, biology class or locker combinations I am suddenly painfully aware of my own in-adequacy. I am a neurotic and painfully-awkward girl whose shyness comes off more like self-righteousness. And this happens all the time.
- Why can't you add this person on facebook? Because I was too much of a nerd for them to have known me in high school.
- Were you friends with this person in high school? Not really because I wasn't cool enough to be their friend (even though I hung out with them on a regular basis, and went to TWO dances with them).
- Why are you so weird about your boyfriend being so good at football? I was a drama nerd in high school and he was an all-area football player, he wouldn't have known my name in high school.
And these are real thoughts that I still have on a REGULAR basis. The thing is, I don't think all of you ever gets out of high school. A very dear friend recently admitted to me to having an "Enormous and Painful Crush" on someone in high school who, even now, TWENTY YEARS LATER said they would get me good if I told this person about the crush. And did you catch that it had been TWENTY years since this person was in school? It has been.
Who ammong us has not been this person?
If you walked down the street right now and saw an old, un-requited crush of High School days of yore would you treat them like any other person you knew back in the day, or would you instead start freaking out a little?
I'm sure there are people who were pretty hot stuff so have no need to feel like this. Recently I've seen a lot of Tom Bay's pictures from High School (thanks FaceBook) and he seems to have been happy and well-adjusted. I'm sure Matt could not care less about people from high school (that's what ALL THE COOL KIDS SAY). Well done these people. You win.
But as for me, and the other people like me, who felt insecure about who they were... *enter insightful comment here*. I've got nothin'. I guess I'll keep turning into super-nerd every so-often...
10 comments:
Sarah.
This is a classic example of how looks can be deceiving. Yes, I was quite happy and content in high school. Yes, I'd say I've always been fairly well adjusted. But I was never one of the 'popular crowd'. I look back at high school and wish so much that I could go back and get more involved! I'm friends now with a lot of the kids I went to school with and didn't know during school - the Madrigals, the band geeks, theater kids, the student body officers.
There are people that I still avoid because of their status or apparent standing in school - how lame is that of me?
I still think about many of the crushes I had in school (found one on FaceBook just last week and couldn't bring myself to adding her as a friend... I don't think she'd know who I am).
The moral of this story (Dearest The Sarah) is this: up until this point I have never thought about you in high school. When I think of you I remember the good times that we had in college. I remember your amazing ability to make friends and have people love and respect you quite immediately.
How long did I know you in college? Not that long... yet here you are - revered as one of my best and most trusted friends. When I can feel that way about someone that I only commune with three times a year... you know that person is special.
"High School Hell" I'm sorry you feel that way. But that was a long time ago and you've become someone of whom we all can be very very proud.
It is funny how popularity ranks still come up years after When I took brandon to see a play at cottonwood a while back and we went by the cafeteria he said where would you sit. I looked at him and said oh I did not eat in the cafeteria I hid out in the drama room singing the soundtrack to rent and talking about who would be perfectly casted in each musical ever written.. how nerdy is that?? I love reading your blog. it's always fun to read what you have to say :) I also love that you were apart of many of my highschool nerd moments how cheesy was that??) soory about that ha :)
I was a cheerleader in high school, but that doesn't mean I was popular. Sure people might think that cheerleader equals popular, but I really didn't feel that way. I now ponder if people are afraid to add me as a friend cause I was too cool in high school, when really I wasn't. I had my "safe comfort circle of friends" but that's about all. I feel like I'm an easily forgotten person from people's high school memories. But you know what? I'm ok with that. Because I'm not a cheerleader anymore, and while I have a lot of the same qualities and quirks I had in high school I'd like to think I'm a different and better person today because of those feeling uncool moments back then. So I agree with tommy bay, whoever he is, you aren't the person you were from high school (granted I didn't know you then) you are better you are the cool girl in the crowd, and if you don't really feel that way you can at least you can fake that you are like a champion.
Uh oh ... if you and Carly were the nerds in high school ... then I am in trouble. What is the social class under nerd? Shoot!
I thought you were fun and fabulous from the moment I met you that first day in Life Skills class. And I am pretty sure that you are fabulous now :).
Hooray for the nerds :). I'll eat mac and cheese with you anytime.
I KNOW that I was the biggest nerd in High School, and when I first walked into the Ward I go to, it was FULL of the kids who were "popular".
It was the weirdest experience ever, and I am pretty sure that I am still a nerd.
i married my boyfriend from my senior year, we also went to 3 years of JUNIOR high together. YUCK! So i guess i will never escape that world completely.But i keep in touch wityh the people that mean stuff to me and basically forget or ignore those that i don't.
i married my boyfriend from my senior year, we also went to 3 years of JUNIOR high together. YUCK! So i guess i will never escape that world completely. But i keep in touch with the people that mean stuff to me and basically don't worry about those i don't.
As a therapist, I have found that in HS (and first years of college) is the time when EVERYONE screws up their lives, and then we try to spend the rest of our life trying to make up for it! The old Cliche of our parents wanting to lock us up until we are 30 probably would be the only way to avoid going completely psycho.
Yes, I'm stalking your blog-thanks to the pilot post I left on Facebook earlier.
Can I just say that I am so relieved to know I wasn't the only one who felt inadequate and still gets relapses of inadequacy EVERY SINGLE TIME I run into ANYONE that I didn't feel "cool enough" around in High School?
Yes Timms, that includes you. I always felt you were WAY out of my friendship league in High School. Although I must reiterate it's quite a relief that I'm not the only one who feels this way. Thanks for making me feel a little more normal.
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