I was at the North Visitor's Center at Temple Square with my parents. I went downstairs to see the cool movie with the kid in the clubhouse and the kicking tree (this was before they turned his head into a TV screen...). And then (as is what so often happens in dreams) at the bottom of the escalator was a wall. Both escalators were going down, and I couldn't run fast enough to keep up with them. I would run as much as I could, stop to rest, and then run again... never making it to the top.
You may have heard me reference this dream in a Relief Society lesson I once gave, or talk about it if we've walked near those escalators. But today I brought it up because that is what I feel like.
I feel really happy sometimes. I'm incredibly glad to have Matt, and to be starting our lives together. (pictures of the ceremony/honeymoon to come shortly...) I feel like I'm racing through life, happy to be living it. And then I feel like huge waves of issues keep pounding me. Just when I'm almost to the top of the escalator (we'll call that "BLISS") something traumatic happens, and I am stunned... unable to move... and ride the escalator down. And just as I resolve to be okay with that issue, stop worrying, have faith and believe it's alright, I start running again... only to be hit again.
These things that come up are too tangable to say I'm just being dramatic. They don't come from one place, so I don't know how to block them. They're too lasting to tell myself to get over them and keep running. It feels like I'm being hit over the head and can't move.
It's not that I'm depressed, it's just that I have a lot of things going on in my life... and once one starts to resolve its self, another issue shows up.
So, to my husband: I'm sorry if sometimes I sit on the couch and zone out, or cry on your shirt and freak out.
to my mother: I'm sorry if I'm not peppy all the times we talk.
to my sisters: feel better.
to my brothers: I love you.
to my friends: I need you in my life.
And to the world: SERIOUSLY!?!? seriously.
5 comments:
Seriously!? Seriously. Sorry life is so hard right now. My thoughts and love.
Such is life my friend, such is life. You wouldn't realize how happy the "happy times" were if you didn't have the "crap times" as well. We all go through it.
Oh, and if you are every feeling down just think of the midget chefs at the Metropolitan. Cause that will make you laugh.
I hear ya sister, loud and clear. If you want a commiserating moment together, I'm here :) And, check it out: http://asholina.blogspot.com/2009/04/i-can-do-hard-things.html
Love love love you. And, I can't WAIT for Thursday's Grey's :)
I'm sorry things are so hard right now. I've had times like that and the only thing that comes to mind is the fact that all sunshine and no rain is a desert. Seriously, who wants to live in Arizona? Oregon is much prettier:) I hope you reach the top soon!
I am not very good at getting out with two kids 'cause really that takes like 7 times as long as it did when it was just me, BUT if you ever need me I can be there, here, or just about anywhere... just usually 10 minutes late.
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