TV is for liars.

I feel like TV has lied to me.

Television has told me that I should look like THIS as I am about to give birth.



However, I am just 23 weeks and already look like this.



Which, to me, says that television has once again lied to me.  Because I am thinking that I am "about to give birth on TV" size.

As further proof, my way-fitter-than-I am BFF Becky just blogged about her birth story here.  And she looked more like THIS as she was about to give birth...


So, there is about no hope for me to not become huge as a planet by the end.

I'm getting older, too.

There it was.  The moment that every teenager vows to never happen.  It's the moment you become "old."  As I may have mentioned, last year I turned 30 (no comment on my birthday later this week and what age that will make me, but I am sure you can all employ some basic math and figure it out).  And as I turned 30, I did not freak out.  I did not think I was getting old.  I didn't even think it was that big of a deal.  30.  It happens.  Heck, 30 is the new 24 as far as I was concerned.

And I almost made it through the entire year thinking that my youth would go on forever.  Until...

I was sitting in a doctor's office in Nashville, Tennessee, and looking at an ultrasound of my unborn child.  As much as I'd been joking in weeks past about an "alien life-form sucking my will to live, " now I could see that alien on the screen (not just feel it in the way my pants didn't want to fit).  And, as I was assured, it wasn't just a blob as I had seen in my friend's ultrasounds (seriously, those things are worse than Magic Eye books!).  The blob was moving around, hiccuping, and holding its tiny hands over its tiny face.  It almost looked like an actual person.  It was pretty amazing.

see?  actual baby! 

But that was only half of the "old" problem.  Because obviously babies don't make you old.  I'm from Utah.  A land where 19 year old girls and 21 year old boys have babies all the time.  On purpose.  Even though I wasn't fancying myself a "young, cool mom," the whole "pending motherhood" didn't really have the "you are now old" moment it perhaps should have.  Not even since my hips have been hurting like a nursing home resident. 

The real "old" problem came when I was describing this to people later.

"The ultrasound was inconclusive.  The doctor was really weird about going back and forth and not really being able to tell us if it was a boy or a girl."

"Why?  What happened?"

"Well, the baby was sitting Indian Style the whole time."

And there it was.  Like most people's parents and grand-parents before them... I said something outdated, and vaguely racist (without meaning to be offensive).  "Indian Style."  Throw in embarrassing my child at the same time, and you might as well start planning a seating chart with me far away from the guests at Thanksgiving.

Yup, years of school assemblies where you were bullied into "sitting Indian Style - knee to knee" with the person closest to you in alphabetical order have made me assume that it's the right phrase for a child sitting cross-legged.  As soon as I said it, I knew this to be categorically untrue.  We're a modern world now.  Sports teams have to change their mascots to less Native American things (see?  Native American!  Not "Indian."  Heck, I'd even say "First Nationer" if my husband wouldn't then mock me and tell me how not-in-Canada we are.).  But the damage had already been done.  I'd said it.

In later tellings of the story, I would describe how the baby was "meditating" or some other hipster way of sitting with your legs crossed so that nobody can tell if it's a boy or a girl.  But the damage had already been done.  I feel old now. 

Now excuse me while I call my pharmacy to update my medications.  And maybe while I'm there, I'll look into getting a heating pad for this bum-hip of mine...


(update: a later ultrasound revealed that we are having a girl.  I'm going to start praying for an increase of boys with respect towards women now...  I hope you'll all join in.)

chop chop

When I asked (everyone) for an accessory for my (husband's) XBox, I naturally thought everyone would laugh and get me something grown-up.  After all, a Kinect is what my 8 year old nephew got for Christmas last year.  It seems ridiculous that a 30 year old woman would be interested in the same thing.  So, as I said, I asked everyone for it.  Because I figured that nobody would be ridiculous enough to get one for me, and would buy me a cast-iron skillet or something else useful and grown-up.

Much to my surprise, come Christmas morning I had not one but TWO of them sitting under the tree for me.  Merry Freaking Christmas. 

plus, as a bonus, the Kinect sensor both looks and acts like #5 from Short Circuit... minus wanting to dance WITH me.

And it was with great happiness that I happily hooked it up today and told my husband to get ready for awesomeness.  Which happened.  Despite my "flailing of the arms."

(note: how does one play Kinect without flailing of the arms?  this is not the first time I've been made fun of for such an act, and I'm going for "cool" and not "flashdance," so if you have any tips... please send my direction.)

The game we started playing was fruit ninja.  Now, I'd heard (mostly from my crazy hippie friends) that Fruit Ninja was a super-fun game for play on the iPhone, etc.  But Fruit?  Ninja?  Not this time, Vegan Hippie Friends... I'll keep with my Angry Birds and rain destruction on pigs.  Like an American should.  Patriotic bacon-killing birds.  Little did I know how wrong I was about the Fruit Ninja...

So, apparently you just slash fruit... like a ninja.  And when you're playing in "battle" mode, don't slash your opponent's fruit.  And it's hilarious.  Chalk-one-up for the Vegans, who even play video games with fruit.

Plus, I have a secret weapon. 

Remember my adorable dog?

The one tall enough to get in front of the tv at almost all times? 

Apparently he is also just tall enough that if he is confused by your random flailing-about of arms, and ninja-skilled slashing so that he walks into the Kinect's line of sight... the Kinect recognizes his swappy-tail going back and forth as you slashing fruit stealth-like.

Thanks, pup.  Thanks for actually being helpful, as opposed to your usual "helpful."

And I say... Thank You.

Getting the November post in at the last minute.  Did I remember to post today because I wanted to start writing about Christmas? Well... I'm not going to say no.  So I'll just say probably.

Instead of doing this once a day, I wrote it down once a day... and give it to you today.  In one piece.  Which is also how I like my pie - give me the whole thing.  So each of these numbers is what I was thankful for that day.  And each of these days made me so happy that we have a holiday where we just hang out, eat, and be thankful.  What a great holiday idea...

Today I am thankful...
1: that Halloween is over so I can start celebrating Thanksgiving.
2: that I can run.
3: for cookies.
4: for my husband.
5: that I can apparently make friends with anyone.
6: for my mother.
7: that the world is an interesting place, and there are always new things to see.
8: for cars.  because, seriously, 30 miles away used to be a big deal.
9: that I am really good at making things up on the spot.
10: for hot chocolate.
11: that great men and women keep our country free.
12: that we have couple friends we both really like.
13: for my sweet puppy, who seems to forget that he is a dog.  and that he is not pocket-sized.
14: for long weekends.
15: that it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
16: that we will live here for a while (long enough for Christmas decorations at least, and that was my request to the universe).
17: that we will not live here forever.
18: for a good produce department.
19: for ridiculous movies, and friends who are equally as excited to see them.
20: that sometimes marriage means pretending to like something someone else loves.
21: that I like my new boss, because that is hard.
22: for finding comfort after a hard day.
23: that I've found joy in cooking.
24: for a reason to gather together with people I love.  and people I don't know.  It's important to share joy.

Give Thanks this season.  And start getting ready to Give Thanks for Jesus because CHRISTMAS is COMING!

If You Can Dream It...

I'm not what one might call a crafty person.  I don't crochet, sew, scrapbook or have cute labels on everything.  But recently I've been trying a few new things, and am (hopefully) finding that I can find a crafty side after-all.  Why this is necessary, I am not sure.  But I am recently hell-bent on finding it anyway.

A friend of mine suggested we take a class on cake decorating at our local Hobby Lobby.  Since I've been volunteering for Free Cakes for Fort Campbell Kids, I figured any kid who got my cake would thank me if I went to this class, so I said yes.  As these things go, she didn't end up signing up (which turned out alright anyway), but every week they gave us fun tasks to complete.

Like on week two where we learned to transfer images onto our cakes... and then fill them in.  (yes, this looks horrible, but the book example didn't look much better.)

The next week we learned how to make flowers (and put them on cupcakes).  Although my "Pom" turned out alright.

I'm not sure it's just the horrible-gray color that makes this "shaggy mum" look like a monster.  (I was going for purple, but didn't care when it got too blue apparently.)

For our final week we learned roses and lettering.  By far, it was the least-offensive cake I made in the class.  To me, that says it's a win.

I've also started painting pottery.  Meaning I've done it twice.  Here is my first shot at it.  (the second is still being fired.)

I guess I'll stick to all craftyness coming out in my latest hobby: cooking.  And I guess I'm getting good at it since I won the chili cook-off this weekend!  Six Companies, Twelve Contestants, One Huge Trophy (including bragging-rights and a day off for everyone in the company - making me the most popular person in the 2-502).

Bee Tee Dub, if you're interested in said award-winning recipe, go to my cooking blog and check it out.  http://thegingercooks.blogspot.com/2011/10/award-winning-strike-force-chili.html

if life were made of moments, then you'd never know you had one

A List of Things:
- Rally squirrel.  If you've watched the St. Louis Cardinals in the playoffs like I have, you'll know that in two games there was a squirrel.  If you're on facebook, you'll know that people refuse to stop talking about it.  I'm over it.
- Honey Badger.  This was an internet phenom like a year ago.  And I am NOT over it, because saying things like "honey badger don't care."  Or "watch out, says that bird!" continue to be funny to me.  However, I recently saw honey badger parody on a commercial for pistachios. This means I have to stop liking it quite so much, I think.  (second thought: pistachios also did ads with Kermit the Frog, and Angry Birds, and I am NOT quitting those... so maybe I'll stay loving it.  because my dog, Honey Barney, he don't give a crap.)




- Have I recently talked about how excited I am for The Muppets?  Jason Segal + childhood + great preview = my favorite holiday just got better.  (it comes out on Thanksgiving Weekend.)
- I apologize to my poor tablespoon measure which I garbage disposaled for like 20 seconds last week.

- I just got a new vacuum.  You know you're old/married/boring when you get a new vacuum in the mail and can not wait to try it out.  By the way, it's amazing.  And tomorrow I'm going to try steaming, too.  *boring and old alert*

Travel Blog I: I just want to say how cool fall is.  Like, cooler thank just one bullet point.  Here are some pictures of just hanging out around Tennessee earlier this month and being so happy that fall has finally come.  As you can see, the dog loves hiking. As you can further see, now that it's not a million degrees outside I am enjoying where I live much more.

Travel Blog II: This weekend I ran with Team Frison at the Ft. Knox Run for the Fallen.  Even though the event brought me to tears no less than 4 times, I am so happy I got to go.  To support Team Frison, and to add a little more perspective into my world.  So strange to think The Husband has been home for over four months now... how does time work?  Honestly, sometimes it blows my mind.  Shout out to Mrs. Frison for letting me on her cool team.  She is one strong Army/Gold Star Wife.

so many Team Frison supporters.  Plus the banner.

For Ending: Next weekend I'm going to a Civil War Re-Enactment... because that is just the kind of crazy stuff people think Southerners do all day (example: that cute Reese Witherspoon movie Sweet Home Alabama).  Sometimes my life is awesome.

so raise your glass if you are wrong

 There is a quote from Grey's Anatomy where George (so you know it's old) says "who here feels like they have no idea what they're doing" and everyone raises their hand.  I feel like that is me for a lot of my life.  Especially now that I don't have the things I usually define myself with (no job, new friends, far away from my family). 

Here is one issue: everyone I know is having kids.  Or will in the next 6 months.  Or did in the last 6 months.  Right now is a very hot time for anyone I know or have ever known and kids.  And all the while, I feel like this picture.

Which is to say that in my head, I am not sure how I am more than 22 years old.  And although many of my friends had children at 22 (I am from Utah), I still feel my mind blown that I am old enough to have kids.  You know, because I'm 22.  (which is a huge jump from feeling 19, which was for a lot of years.)

Here is a second issue: I felt like at thirty, I would know what I was doing with my life.  I'd have a career, or a kid or at least a plan.  I tried to make a plan.  I've actually been trying for weeks.  But I think the problem is "have no clue what I want to do with my life."  Should I try a new career?  (fun, but what will it be that is more interesting and less annoying than what I already hypothetically do?)  Should I go back to school? (fun, but for what?)  Should I try to develop a plan to become independently wealthy?  (fun, but still working on logistics.) 

Apparently the problem with making a plan is, you have to know where you're going (other than "happy").  Everyone always says you need a plan to accomplish things.  And so I'm trying.  Because I'd like to accomplish things.  I just wish I really understood what those "things" were so I could start trying to get them done.