I live in a very... specialized corner of the earth. It's a place called Utah. A place where they sell a lot of green Jell-o. A place where people go out for ice cream instead of drinks. A place where there's nobody at a restaurant on Sunday afternoon. And a place where dating is flat-out ignored.
Other interesting (and actually researched) factoids about Utah
State Emblem: Beehive
State Dance: Square dance (explains 4th grade)
State Cooking Pot: Dutch Oven (makes you feel patriotic, no?)
State Flower: Sego lily
State Tree: Blue Spruce
State Fruit: Cherry
State Grass: Indian Rice Grass (anyone know what this is?)
- Lowest median age of any state in the country at 27.9 years of age.
- Highest persons per household in the country at 3.13
- Highest Literacy rate in the nation
- 7th lowest violent crime rates
- 3rd longest life expectancy
- One of the lowest heart disease and cancer rates
- Utah is the site of the nations first department store.
- Pioneer Day, July 24, commemorates the first permanent settlement of Utah on July 24, 1847, by Brigham Young and his Mormon pioneers. (happy birthday this week, Utah!)
- The people of Salt Lake City consume more Jell-O per capita than any other city in the United States.
In Utah (back to the point), dating is a sprint - not a marathon. Dating, as people say, is a time to get to know your potential spouse. In Utah You're not allowed to date until you're 16 and until after High School it's supposed to just be in groups. There are a lot of rules about dating (another blog, trust me), most of which are made-up and stupid. And I started noticing people telling me to "hurry up and get married" or making thinly-veiled old maid comments when I hit the ripe-old age of 23. TWENTY THREE YEARS OF AGE. (for those of you keeping track, this was 4 years ago.) And, yes, that gives a total of 7 possible years of dating between "yes, I can date" and "why are you still dating? you should have already gotten married!"But the thing that has got me reeling this week is not that I'm old and had better get married before all the good ones are taken (if you are one of the few people who hasn't said this to me, I've already gotten the message -noted). I am most concerned about the fact that everyone I know who has been dating since January is now engaged. Ooh, and some people I know who have been dating since May are engaged. (do you think I'm talking about you? Well, if you're one of the five couples I know who have announced their engagement in the month of July than you're probably included.)
For the record, I don't have a problem with this. I think each and every one of these couples is darling and I honestly do wish them the very very best. I'll chalk this rant up to a modified song lyric from Mary Poppins "Though I adore couples getting married 2 months after they start dating individually, I believe that as a group, they're rather stupid."
SERIOUSLY GUYS! What happened to getting to know someone you date before you take that intense and life-long jump called "marriage"? I guess this is what we get when we, as a culture, just don't date (remnence from being told not to in all of high school?). I don't think we, as Utahns, know how to date. I think we just know how to be friends, and get married. And that's why everybody has a freakishly short dating time (because it's an awkward stage nobody knows how to deal with).
(and aren't you proud I didn't mention "just wanting to have sex and that is disguised as love" in this whole blog? I am...)
And now for everyone's favorite part of my blog: totaly un-related mini-rants!
I love hiking. It is fun and good exercise and the only time I get into the mountains (what with my never learning to ski). However, I get SO FREAKING DIRTY every time. Monday I went out to my car and saw these shoes in my back-seat. These GREY and BLUE shoes that look BROWN. And I thought to myself "self, you have GOTS to stop stepping in the river when you go hiking." And this is true. Not only did it INCREASE my dirtyness (exponentially) but also I came home with some UG-LY blisters. BOO.
I love dusting my keyboard. I do it about twice a week. It's so satisfying. Try it today!
9 comments:
"SERIOUSLY GUYS! What happened to getting to know someone you date before you take that intense and life-long jump called "marriage"?"
I have a lot of thoughts after reading this blog. But I am going to choose to save most of those thoughts for later. Being one of those five couples you mentioned... I would just like to put out there that:
1. I have gotten to know the person I dated before decided to jump into that thing called "marriage." We dated for 6 months. But in those six months we I saw him every day, in countless circumstances... both good and bad.
2. No matter how long you date someone, there are no guarantees... you just have to have faith, work hard, and pray that it works out. I mean, look at some couples who dated for YEARS. They don't necessarily have better success rates in marriage.
3. I do agree that there is a dating problem in Utah, but I don't necessarily think that means that everyone who gets engaged doesn't know the person they are marrying.
I'm going to stop now. Before I go off. :)
loves.
Good call Timms. I knew my ex for 6 years before we got married, dated for 2, were married for 3 and I STILL didn't know him. I think it's scary. I am not saying that people can't, or won't work out just because they get married so quickly. I just think it is a risky thing. Those first months of dating someone is wonderful. You are so in love that you can't imagine anything possibly going wrong. But you don't really know someone until you live with them. I think the church should discourage the "get married quickly" mentality.
And yes, I prayed, I fasted, I went to the temple, and thought long and hard before I got married...
I have been dating Seth now for over 3 years. And boy I am fully aware that I don't know everything about him. But I know enough because of our time together and our experiences (good and bad) that when/if we get married that we should be able to work through everything. But Robin is right, there are no guarantees. No matter how much praying and hard work you put into it, the other person still has free agency.
Man, I sound tainted.
Ok, so I just found out about your blog. Where have I been? I don't know. Anyway, just for the record I knew Curtis for 9 years before we got hitched and even then we have our major issues (as many of you were very supportive during). So I agree with Robin's #2 point. BUT, was i worried when Liza got engaged after just two months of dating? YUP! So I will say this: Marriage has to be the most unselfish thing you ever do every day or you are in big fat trouble- no matter how long you "know" someone or not.
On a lighter note, I love your blog and am glad I found it so that I can see how you are and what you are doing. -lex
Hey, people who are all self-defensive about not having known your fiance all your life: have you noticed that this blog entry was not about you? That, in fact, Sarah points out that time alone does not equal success, and she specifically wishes you well and finds you and your fiance "darling"?
This blog entry is, in fact, about the difficulty that Utah singles have finding someone to "date" and "get to know" as opposed to just finding that date who makes a great mate and wham, bam, not everyone likes green eggs and ham, they are off the "dating" market for good (or so they hope.) It's about Utah, not about U. :-)
Meanwhile, am I the only person who thinks Sarah should take her passion for micro-clean air blasting her keyboard and apply that technology to the 'brown' sneakers? I mean, it couldn't HURT...
Sarah, has anyone told you lately that you really need to hurry up and get married before all the good ones are taken? Wait, let me re-read... oh, I see that they have. Good then. :)
You are right about one thing - as a group, singles in Utah are NOT taught to Date People when they go out for Ice Cream Not Drinks. There's a lot of pressure to marry. It's regional and it's real and there are two ways to make it go away - one, get married, and two, move to another state. If neither is quite right for you at this point, soldier on, young Singleton!
Congrats to all Sarah's friends who were recently lucky enough to become engaged to their heart's desires! And congrats to all Sarah's friends who are still trying, against all cultural norms and colossal odds, to meet and date some interesting people in order to eventually find the one who will become their heart's desire.
With utter devotion,
your sister the Smug Married
(but not until I was 32, which is still young outside the borders of the Beehive state.)
Too many people feel the pressure of getting married from their families and from their friends. Our society puts too much of an emphasis on keeping up with these people in all aspects of our lives. We look at what our parents and friends have and want it now, without having to earn it. A new gadget, new clothes, new car, job, house, or spouse; there is no limit to the amount of things we yearn for and if we can just defer the cost to a later point in our lives then we are all for it. Too few of people today learn how to prepare for the small things in life, why should they be expected to prepare for the grander things? If you don’t like something throw it out and start over. America is going bankrupt, economically and socially.
As others have pointed out sometimes dating can just be a coin toss. I’ve known people that dated 5 years before getting married that are still together, and others that divorced within a year or two. There are no guarantees in life, and if this is what you are waiting for then you will be waiting a very long time. For some people it’s worth the short term risk of stripping down all the barriers that dating brings with it, and if they fail at least they didn’t waste years of their lives before moving on.
You should ask the question ‘why marriage?’ If its because you are lonely or sick of dating then you should probably re-evaluate things in your life. Ultimately though I believe your spouse should be your best friend. You should be able to enjoy the simple things with them, such as an ice cream date, just as much as you would a romantic evening in Italy. The location of the date shouldn’t matter as long as the quality of the person you are spending the time with is the best.
Utah’s dating scene might not be the best, but lets face it, every niche has its issues.
you could always go the "arranged route" my parentals would love to hook you up with someone tall dark and handsome i'm sure :)
lol, i know it was a utah post, but i thought to toss it in, a good chunk of the world goes arranged, so i don't so much think it is necessarily how long you know some one as it is how much you know yourself and are committed to the same things, just my two cents!
your blog makes me laugh. especially this post. an lol was even in order. on a related note, i had a nightmare i was back in utah. i woke up in a cold sweat. i'm glad it was just a dream...
I turned in my Utah dating card for a Florida one. The same success rate, but less snow. Also, I went from being the bad influence in Utah, to the good influence in Florida.
Post a Comment